– After Robert Green aimed some choice gestures towards the journalistic corps at Upton Park last weekend, Hammers owner David Gold explains that there was “no malice” in it. We tend to disagree. Anyhoo, it would appear Green knows about as much about gesticulation as he does about holding onto a tamely struck shot. According to anthropologist, Desmond Morris, although the ‘Phallic Forearm Jerk’ is understood as an insult on the continent, in England it’s generally applied as “a crude form of sexual admiration”. We’re pretty sure that’s not what Green intended. Unless of course he has a more extreme plan for getting back into the journalists’ good books.
– In more Green related hilarity, Avram Grant says Green’s one good performance of the year is basically good enough to get him back into the national side. What’s more worrying for England is he’s not a million miles off the mark.
– Some good news in an otherwise bleak season for Shay Given. He avoids a driving ban for being nabbed doing 75mph in a 50mph zone. It’s not the the biggest speeding violation we’ve heard of involving a footballer, but it’s is substantially faster than the progress his career is making at present.
– In our now weekly piece entitled ‘which terrible goalkeeper is Arsene Wenger defending now?’ Arsene Wenger explains why blah, blah, … Fabianski …. rubbish … Almunia … worse .. To be honest, we stopped listening a couple of weeks ago.
– Oh to be young and naïve once again. David de Gea says he won’t be leaving Atletico Madrid for Man Utd because he’s got a contract until 2013. Oh David, you’ve got a lot to learn about the ways of the world and more importantly, how Fergie operates.
– And finally in the bit we’re cleverly calling our ‘and finally’ bit, here’s some footage of a goalie going a bit mental. It’s Khalid Askri of Moroccan side, FAR Rabat. Not long after falling foul to the incredible spinning ball, he has enough and storms off the pitch in style.