Latest Goalkeeper News

Goalkeeper News

– After Robert Green aimed some choice gestures towards the journalistic corps at Upton Park last weekend, Hammers owner David Gold explains that there was “no malice” in it. We tend to disagree. Anyhoo, it would appear Green knows about as much about gesticulation as he does about holding onto a tamely struck shot. According to anthropologist, Desmond Morris, although the ‘Phallic Forearm Jerk’ is understood as an insult on the continent, in England it’s generally applied as “a crude form of sexual admiration”. We’re pretty sure that’s not what Green intended. Unless of course he has a more extreme plan for getting back into the journalists’ good books.

– In more Green related hilarity, Avram Grant says Green’s one good performance of the year is basically good enough to get him back into the national side. What’s more worrying for England is he’s not a million miles off the mark.

– Some good news in an otherwise bleak season for Shay Given. He avoids a driving ban for being nabbed doing 75mph in a 50mph zone. It’s not the the biggest speeding violation we’ve heard of involving a footballer, but it’s is substantially faster than the progress his career is making at present.

– In our now weekly piece entitled ‘which terrible goalkeeper is Arsene Wenger defending now?’ Arsene Wenger explains why blah, blah, … Fabianski …. rubbish … Almunia … worse .. To be honest, we stopped listening a couple of weeks ago.

– Oh to be young and naïve once again. David de Gea says he won’t be leaving Atletico Madrid for Man Utd because he’s got a contract until 2013. Oh David, you’ve got a lot to learn about the ways of the world and more importantly, how Fergie operates.

– And finally in the bit we’re cleverly calling our ‘and finally’ bit, here’s some footage of a goalie going a bit mental. It’s Khalid Askri of Moroccan side, FAR Rabat. Not long after falling foul to the incredible spinning ball, he has enough and storms off the pitch in style.

Goalkeeper News Round Up

Shay Given

– “When I said it was an competition between you and Joe Hart, what I meant was I actually prefer Joe Hart and you can do one.” Roberto Mancini tells Shay Given he’s allowed to leave Man City. It would have been more useful about a month ago when he could actually leave Man City. Acting kind of like a pimp for goalkeepers, Giovanni Trapattoni tells him there’s work for him in Italy. But he must be willing to do anal.

– The prototype for the young English goalkeeper that never lives up to his potential, Richard Wright has joined Sheffield United in the Championship. If you think that’s a harsh assessment, then remember he’s probably most famous for injuring himself on the ‘Don’t practice in the goalmouth’ sign whilst practicsing in the goalmouth ahead of an Everton game.

– Fergie has been accused of showing a lack of respect for the Carling Cup by sending out second string sides in the competition, but things have got so bad he’s not even sending himself. With an impeccable sense of timing, Sir Alex misses the trip to Scunthorpe to have a look at David De Gea.

– In not entirely unrelated news, Tomasz Kuszczak says he’s had enough of bench-warming at Old Trafford and wants to move on.

– Real Madrid shop steward, Iker Casillas asks Jose Mourinho for permission to drop the kids off at school. That’s not a euphemism, but it is a little strange as he doesn’t have any children.

Goalkeeper News

FastGloveA quick and selective look at some goalkeeping news that didn’t bore us to tears:

Bastion of integrity and sportsmanship, Thierry Henry, says he didn’t intend to almost maim Dallas goalkeeper, Kevin Hartman in a pointless goal ‘celebration’. In other news, he’s still insisting ‘the ball just bounced up onto my hand. Honest, I’m not that type of player.’
To be fair to the cheating shitebag, it doesn’t look malicious – just very stupid.

Mark Hughes launches a charm offensive in a bid to hang on Mark Schwarzer in the January transfer window. A charm offensive made up of transparent compliments and shrugs of indifference as he knows Shay Given is on his way to the Cottage.

Arsene Wenger gives Manuel Almunia his full support. Coming over two weeks after the transfer window closed and a month after he was close to ditching him for Schwarzer or Given it doesn’t sound too convincing, but it’s support nonetheless.

Real Madrid goalkeeper and the Ministry’s world number 1, Iker Casillas says he’d prefer it if Jose Mourinho didn’t split his Specialness between Real and the Portugal national job. Plus responding to all these non-stories from his club players is very time consuming.